Some couples say to me “I could never work with my spouse”, we would kill each other”. Yet over 80% of UK small to medium-sized businesses are family-owned, and most involve both life partners working together. For some, it may have been a deliberate choice to take a skill and work for yourself, rather than have a boss. Alternatively, redundancy, corporate bureaucracy or forced location moves are just a few reasons why people decide to start their own businesses.
Understanding why, and what your ‘dream’ was can heavily influence how the business is organised, the work distributed and the alignment to natural talents. In fear of stereotyping, it used to be that the man would have the core skill the business was built around and the wife would fill in where needed.
Thankfully, that model is changing, and so is the assumption that the business is built around the man’s skills and interests, e.g. Kate and Andy Spade: Founders of the designer brand Kate Spade New York and Lynda Weinman and Bruce Heavin of Lynda.com. The danger is whether the spouse ends up in roles that mean she (or he) is not in their natural ‘flow’. This ultimately leads eventually to boredom, stress, resentment, frustration and potentially manifests itself in physical ailments or worse still, separation and divorce.
According to Nancy Miriam Hawley and Jeffrey R. McIntyre who are co-founders of Enlignment®, Inc. and have been successful business (and life) partners for 30 years, there are three types of business couples.
Co-preneurs – couples partnering in self-employment ventures
Co-executive – couples who hold c-suite positions (CEO, CFO, CTO, COO etc.)
Co-professional – Professional couples (Doctors, Lawyers, Accountants, Technologists) who own their own practice or work in different practices but do the same work.
Nancy Miriam Hawley and Jeffrey R. McIntyre have identified five key factors that enable life partners to succeed in business AND maintain a healthy happy and close relationship:
1) Friendship as a base. Being each other’s best friend means enjoying spending time together and respecting each other’s contributions. This also means the relationship is more important than the business itself.
2) Essential engagement and conflict management. It’s all about communication, including handling the differences and conflicts. If you engage you can solve anything. Keeping in check the boundaries between personal and professional feelings is important. Successful couples DO NOT discuss work in the bedroom.
3) Defining flexible roles. Successful business couples have to be flexible to achieve their goals. They spend time clarifying their roles and expectations. They pride themselves on having organisational and role flexibility. Each role must encompass the individual’s strengths.
4) Passion and work ethic. To be successful at working together both must be passionate about the business and what it stands for. Being committed to common goals keeps the passion alive and influences work ethics. When the direction is lost productivity, passion and focus die.
5) Customer and Community Service. Whilst couples are in business to make profits and build their nest egg, successful couples have identified a cause bigger than themselves. Some call this their purpose, but at least they can see it is something that has a greater benefit that will serve humanity in some way.
No matter who the couple are or what business they are in, a partnership that goes beyond meeting their immediate family needs will have a greater level of success. The power comes from the core of the relationship and the way they treat each other reflects on the culture of the workplace and their home environment. The ability to integrate, balance, and simultaneously pay attention to the relationship and business is essential. The relationship itself then fuels the fires of creativity, profitability and success.
If you work on who you both are, what your North Star is (where you want to go) and you have your ‘lanes’ worked out, you are setting a solid foundation for a great culture, leading to a successful business that you both want to work in.
Can you remember why you decided to work together in your business, what your plans were, and if so, can you answer in the comments below whether you are still on track?
[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
What is our Identity
Identity, do you know what that really means? We use the term for who you are and what you stand for, it is the combination of many layers of our personality and unconsciousness that together makes us unique. Knowing this makes all the difference in our fast-paced and ever-changing world. This is where the idea of an “identity compass” comes into play, acting as a personal guide through life’s twists and turns so we can keep following our North Star towards the destiny we want.
Drawing insights from experts like Dr. John Demartini and Rory Kilmartin, Gary Chapman, Tony Robbins and Roger Hamilton allows us to blend their concepts to create the complete fabric of who we are. These experts spent decades studying human behaviour and crafting their findings into something for everyone to be able to learn from.
By blending each of the concepts from wealth dynamics and personality profiling through to love language and archetypes, we can see why understanding these layers of who we are is so crucial to living a fulfilling life that follows the path of least resistance. Our compass helps us to make decisions unconsciously about what we really want from our lives, what will make us happy and how we show up to others.
What do the Experts say?
Dr. John Demartini teaches us that living in tune with our highest values not only brings clarity and focus but also fills our lives with purpose and passion. It’s about aligning what we do with what we truly value, ensuring every step we take is a step toward our true desires.
Rory Kilmartin’s exploration of archetypes helps us dive deeper into who we are. By figuring out which archetype resonates with us, we can unlock our strengths and navigate our relationships more effectively, bringing a sense of harmony and understanding to our interactions.
Tony Robbins’ human needs are about the basics of our identity and help us to avoid stress and all the mental effects that today’s world brings us. understanding our human needs—from security, variety, significance or connection to growth and contribution—ensures we’re leading a balanced and fulfilling life. It’s about meeting these needs in a way that’s true to us.
Roger James Hamilton created Wealth Dynamics personality profiling offers a fascinating lens to view our professional lives, but is also applicable to our personal lives, or lives as a whole. Wealth Dynamics is based on the 2500-year-old Iching, so these concepts are not new, they have guided the ancients for centuries. Wealth Dynamics emphasises the power of playing to the strengths of our particular personality profile. Knowing where our natural talents lie helps us carve out a path that feels right and is primed for success.
Love Languages are one of the easier concepts to grasp and put into practice immediately. There are five ways to feel loved and each of us has a dominant way. It is no good just finding out how we feel loved the most, it is important to find out the love and appreciation languages of our partners, children and even colleagues.
I did not learn about love languages until after my first husband and I were divorced. Would it have made a difference, probably! My love language is acts of service, whereas my ex-husband’s is physical touch. When he got home late I would rush to the kitchen to make him dinner, whereas what would have been better was to give him a cuddle on the sofa!
Principles like integrity and compassion aren’t just moral high grounds; they’re the bedrock of our interactions and decisions. They shape how we connect with the world and leave a mark on the people around us.
Why You Should Discover Your Own Compass
Everyone should have an understanding of themselves that translates into their own compass, it is more than just a tool for navigating life and business. It’s about creating a life that’s not just successful on the outside but deeply fulfilling on the inside. Taking the time for self-reflection and discovery is not just rewarding; it’s essential for anyone looking to lead a life that’s both authentic and aligned with their deepest aspirations.
Here’s to finding your compass and charting your unique path! And I can start you on this journey. You can either set up a FREE 45-minute session HERE or take an Assessment about your personality
